Driving in France: Lessons in French Life

Kristin is left to take the wheel as her husband sets off for three months away.

It’s 6am and I’m braving the A8 autoroute in the dark. I’ve left my husband at Aéroport Marseille Provence after he turned over the wheel to me for the solo drive home. Ça y est, he’s on his way to New Zealand for a wine contract while I hold down the fort here in France.

Being on my own will bring challenges, but I didn’t think operating a vehicle would be one of them… Somewhere near Aix-en-Provence the freeway begins merging. Inside our compact Renault Zoe, my heart’s palpitating as cars pass me left and right. But this is no time to cower. “Come on! You passed the French driver’s exam decades ago!” I remind myself. But what good is that when you’re out of practice?

Motor mayhem

Earlier, at Terminal 1, Jean-Marc cleaned the windshield but I was anxious to get back on the road before rush hour. After a hasty “Bon voyage, chéri!” I left the travelling winemaker and eased out of the car park when, like a bad omen, my glasses fogged up. It would be a battle to see clearly for the 45-minute odyssey home to La Ciotat.

I thought my biggest concern, apart from other drivers, would be those misleading road signs, but what about all the sudden bifurcations, requiring a quick decision: Left? Right? Hurry! Decide! I recall a previous airport drop-off that sent me down to the port of Martigues, only to get lost in a maze trying to find my way back to the freeway. Plus jamais! Armed with Google Maps, the struggle isn’t over. I can’t see the screen on my phone (balanced beside the gear stick) while keeping an eye on the road and dashboard. Au fait, two alert lights have just come on: one depicting a wrench, the other a triangle with an exclamation mark inside. What could they mean? Never mind! Concentrate! Mon Dieu… something’s limping across the road! A squirrel? Un sac plastique? DON’T SWERVE! The obstacles seem unending when next a kamikaze in the fast lane nearly slaps me with une queue de poisson (punishment by aggressive French drivers when you annoy them). After my initial shock comes indignation, some tension-releasing gros mots and a honk for good measure.

In the right lane

Having stood up for myself, I’m feeling as renewed as the sun which is now peaking over the horizon. Relaxing into the pilot’s seat, one arm draped over the wheel with the confidence of a teenager, my mind chatter segues into a cheerful chorus, with a rather unusual refrain: “Tomatoes! Tomatoes!” Tomatoes? Tomatoes? Oh, I must have finally relaxed enough for my mind to have shifted into ‘home gear’. Tomatoes indeed! I’ll soon be back to a peaceful garden and a newly-won victory. I can just hear my husband when I collect him at the airport in three months: “Ça va, Fangio?” he’ll say. Vroom, vroom, oui!

FRENCH VOCABULARY

• ÇA Y EST = that’s it
• LA BIFURCATION = fork in the road
• PLUS JAMAIS = never again
• AU FAIT = by the way
• UN SAC PLASTIQUE = a plastic bag
• QUEUE DE POISSON = cutting in too close while passing
• LE GROS MOT = cuss word
• ÇA VA, FANGIO? Juan Manuel Fangio was a famous racing driver known for his skill and confidence behind the wheel. A popular French expression is ‘conduire comme Fangio’ – to drive like a master

From France Today Magazine