My Experience of Making French Friends

For the last 20 years my wife and I have split our time between California and Provence, and before that we lived and worked in Switzerland. Much of our Swiss social circle was made up of fellow expats, but in France we wanted a difference experience, : we wanted to make French friends.  

Given the reputation the French have for being aloof, we expected this to be a struggle. But it wasn’t hard at all, and today some of our best friends are French. Here’s how we did it: 

Learning the Language…or Not 

Learning French isn’t a requirement, plenty of French people speak English, especially in the larger cities. But learning at least some of the language will greatly expand the possibilities of who you can meet, and help you integrate into your community. Speaking some French also makes daily living easier, be it shopping at the boulangerie, making a dinner reservation, or (horrors) dealing with the French bureaucracy. 

And you don’t have to be perfect! What’s important is being able to communicate and make that vital human connection. And if learning French is not your thing, you can still make friends with the English-speaking French. My wife and I became friends with several Swiss people who spoke English when we lived there, and it greatly enriched our lives. 

Language Partners 

If you do choose to learn French, there are plenty of tools available. One of the most helpful is having a language partner. This is someone learning English who has about the same level you do in French. You meet regularly, alternating languages, with each person correcting and encouraging the other. It avoids one of the biggest challenges of learning a language—finding someone patient enough to accept your halting sentences. 

A bonus is that spending time together can lead to friendships as you get to know one another. Some of my closest French friends began as language partners. 

Etiquette 

Every country has its customs. For example, did you know it is rude not to say “bonjour” when entering an establishment, or before asking a question of someone you don’t know?  

France has many unspoken rules, and understanding them will help you avoid the faux pas that can get in the way of making friends. Here are some Do’s and Don’ts to get you started. 

Meeting People 

One of the best ways to meet people is through shared interests. Maybe you like history, or hiking, or reading. Whatever it is, there is probably an association for that. Associations are like clubs that are subsidized by the government. There are many thousands in France, and you can find them through your mayor’s office, this website, or this website. Many libraries also host cercles de lecture (reading circles) which are like book clubs with a French twist.

You might also become friendly with people you see regularly, like your neighbors or the staff at the businesses you visit. My wife and I have become friends with our local chocolatier, and have had him over at our house for dinner several times (yes, we let him bring dessert.) And we have even met people through our dog who is very popular when we walk through town. 

Getting to Know People 

The way people become friends in France is not that different from other countries. You might first meet through a common interest like a yoga class. At some point you decide to get together for a coffee or drink at a café. If all goes well, you might then meet at one of your homes, again for a coffee or perhaps an aperitif. From there it might be a dinner, and then perhaps outings together. 

For the French, this process can be very lengthy, especially before someone takes that first step. But as a foreigner, you can get away with breaking the rules. So, invite away! You will find that this is appreciated. You’ll also find that the French are much friendlier than their reputation. And once you’ve broken the ice, things can move along quickly. 

Vive la Différence ! 

You’ll find that being a foreigner makes you a bit exotic and people will be curious about you. Why did you move here? What are your impressions of France? How do things work in your country? 

And don’t be afraid to speak your mind or share opinions, as the French love a good debate,—it might even be the national sport! 

Ups and Downs 

Expect some bumps along the way, because not all your efforts will pay off. Sometimes people are too busy, or there isn’t enough chemistry between you, or some other reason. But that can happen anywhere not just in France, so just chalk it up to experience and move on.  

And when you’ve made an inevitable faux pas, don’t dwell on it because it happens to everyone. Instead, turn it into a funny story to tell the folks back home.  

When all else fails, get a dog! 

Lead photo credit : Friends lunch kvs